Lions, and Dragons, and Marriage, Oh My!

When I reflect on my own life, I see very distinct seasons and in each of those seasons, God has used different means of slaying the dragon within me. Currently, He is using my marriage, and like Lewis writes about Eustace's experience with Aslan, it can be painful. After all, I would prefer we operate under the illusion that I'm perfect! I have no flaws, we have no arguments, and Matthew can go to his grave never seeing me at my worst. But, that's not reality and that's not God's design for marriage.

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A Heart Renovation: From "Holey" to Holy

God has been doing a major construction job in my heart lately. Like faulty wiring, He is ripping out bad theology. Like a room with few windows, He is tearing down my walls so that His light will flood my soul and fill me with truth. The tools He is using to rebuild me are many: Matthew and our marriage, His Word and various studies He has put in front of me, as well as pastors, local and far away. 

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A Persevering YES

Mary had plenty of opportunities to feel abandoned by God, to ask Him to pick someone else, to lament her situation, or to give up entirely, but she didn't. She couldn't have known just how difficult the road would be when she said YES to God's call, but she had to have known that life as she knew it would be over. She had to have known EVERYTHING would change and she said YES anyway. I have been feeling convicted lately about my YES. My "yes'es" aren't nearly as bold as Mary's was. Mine are more like, "Ok, I guess, if it doesn't force me out of my comfort zone or cause me to suffer in any way." Ugh. How embarrassing to admit.

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Who does He say that I am?

Dear Jesus, Who am I really? What do you see in me that you would move heaven and earth to capture my heart? My life feels like a collection of other people's expectations and disappointments. I do not even know anymore who I truly am. Reveal to me my true identity, my true place in Your story. Give me grace to hear your voice; shut out all other voices, and let me hear from you alone. I ask this in your name. Amen. -John Eldredge

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2017: Surrender

There hasn't always been a word, I haven't always intentionally sought one out, they more or less come and go on their own, finding me when the time is right. But this year, I sought my word purposefully and with an open mind. As I prayed and reflected over the last year of my life, the most impactful of my almost 28 years thus far, similar themes and feelings became obvious to me. It was the last word I scribbled in a long list of many others and once I wrote it down, it made total sense.

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Post Tenebras Lux (After Darkness, Light)

These people were literally living in the time period called "The Dark Ages".
They had nothing good, nothing clean, nothing true.
They didn't even know what they were missing.
But after the darkness, came the light.
The men, women, and children of that time began hearing the Gospel.
The beautiful truth that God created them and loved them even in their most desperate existence.
Sometimes I wish I could hear it again for the first time.
How sweet it is for the light to come on for the very first time.
What an unburdening for all who choose to believe.

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The Truth About Grace

Are you really hard on yourself? I am. I work hard to do things the "right" way, to get a project "right" the first time, to say the "right" things, to look the "right" way, etc. And because I feel like I'm trying so hard, when I do mess up, I don't handle criticism very well. I've been bent this way my entire life and it has harmed me more than it has done me any good.

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